Tag Archives: Stress

Overwhelmed by the News

Twenty-Four hour news is such a bad idea. We get inundated constantly with information and the news is generally negative in nature. When is there ever any good news? They don’t have time to report that. I always said I would subscribe to a station that showed only good news. It would be so refreshing to hear about people who do good things for each other, not just as an aside or filler to all the bad news that gets reported. That would be fair and balanced don’t ya think?

Problem is it is so easy to get caught up in the world’s tragedies and the quagmire of our government that it adds to one’s depression. Makes me want to stay in bed! Where is the hope? I’m not saying we need  news “lite” or should minimize what is going on in the world. Perhaps it is just too much for some of us to handle in large doses. I know I can’t take too much, because I tend to internalize it and hold it. I can’t walk around with the weight of the world on me, I can’t carry it, I can’t change the world. I can only influence my little circle. Since the news rarely addresses my issues, perhaps I should just shut it off altogether. I feel like that would be the putting my head in the sand approach.

It is of course all about finding balance. As usual. If someone who has depression has been able to find a balance without being overwhelmed by the news, I’d love to hear about it.

Unconditional Love

Immediate and unconditional love is what I get from my dogs no matter what I do or how I feel. Somehow they know when I’m down and give me extra loving. They don’t demand too much most of the time, and seem to understand when I’m being a slacker. I don’t have to call and remind them about our friendship needing nurturing, they are always there, dependable. Of course I am always there for them too. I have to feed/water/walk, etc. And clean up accidents (ick).

They are ok with my bad habits, my being less than svelte and my cranky moments. And I put up with chewed up items and demands to go outside. So it all evens out. They do hog more than their share of the bed though. Need to work on that.

I do believe they are the most low maintenance relationships I have. They snuggle at just the right times, don’t argue for the most part and aren’t too demanding. Perhaps we do need to pay more attention to our dogs’ behavior. They may have something on us.

Have I Given Up Things?

Most people say that as you get old you have to give up things. I think you get old because you do give up things. —-Theodore Green

I don’t know who Ted Green is, but he got me thinking…have I given up things? I believe I have, but always rationalized it somehow. Thought it was part of growing up and being mature, the trade-off for having a family, etc. Was I supposed to let things go? Does everyone let things go? Do women just let things go?

Still having some deep discussions in therapy, a lot surrounding my career and choices. I have let things go because I made this career choice of nursing and thought I had to do certain things to be “successful.” Let’s just say I’m a high achiever, went to a high achieving college and nursing program and being “just a nurse” was not enough. I felt like I was expected to represent my high level of education and achievement by leap-frogging into management or something. So I did. This of course left little time for other pursuits as I was juggling being a single parent and fighting with my ex in and out of court. So I gave away little pieces and parts of what I enjoyed and had pursued before nursing dominated my life. Like ceramics and photography. Like needle arts and sewing. There were many things that I gave up along the way that I am slowly trying to retrieve. But now I am wondering if one of these things or perhaps something else altogether should occupy my work time instead?

More than halfway down the road and I’m questioning EVERYTHING. Doesn’t make for day-to-day stability. Some days I just want to escape and not have to think about any of it. I feel like a big goof. But then I think, I don’t hate nursing, I just don’t have a passion for it like some do. I’ve done a lot of good things during my career, and I’ve touched a lot of lives in a positive way. I am proud of that. It’s not a total wash. I don’t regret what I’ve done so far, although it has been a rough road at a number of turns. I just wonder if it’s time to take the road less travelled. Mr. Frost says it will make all the difference.

Thankful for Mud

So thankful that I have something besides work to keep me busy. Recently got back into pottery, and have been literally up to my elbows in mud. I love working with clay, both wheel-throwing and hand-building. It feels really good to do something creative, it nurtures the soul somehow.

Handling the clay is a process. Sometimes I have an idea in mind for what I’d like it to become, and sometimes I just let the clay have its way. Sounds a little queer to say that, but there are times it can’t be forced to do what you want it to do. You have to listen and relax. Not fighting with the clay is a challenge. I don’t want to experience frustration because this is a time of enjoyment for me. I sure don’t need any stress over mud!

Wheel-throwing takes patience for me. As a left-handed person, I’ve had to adapt to doing things as a right-handed person would do, just to make life simpler. Throwing is a metaphor for life. The first thing you do is center the clay. If it’s not centered properly, nothing else will go well. Certainly is a metaphor for my life. Being the slightest bit off kilter emotionally or spiritually can affect EVERYTHING ELSE. Fortunately, between the potter’s hands, a bit of pressure and water, the clay will become centered. I seem to take a little more effort to get settled than that. Perhaps I should  meditate or pray more, I don’t know. I’ll have to figure that out. Right now I am enjoying the physical activity of the clay. It helps me feel centered as my creativity is expressed.

Thoughts on Suffering

Don’t look forward to the day you stop suffering, because when it comes you’ll know you’re dead. — Tennessee Williams

To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. — Fredrich Nietzche
 
I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable. — Anne Morrow Lindbergh

 

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. — Kahlil Gibran

Paranoid or Just Insecure?

So for instance, let’s say there was a situation where someone commented on an event that directly affected you, but they should have no knowledge of the why or how…should you feel paranoid, or just assume they are intelligent enough to guess at the circumstances that transpired because they were indirectly involved? Oh, this sounds so mysterious, but all parties shall remain unnamed so as not to incriminate anyone. Let’s just say I’m a little torked over something that happened this week at a place I spend a lot of my waking hours.

I’m not very good at office politics. I just don’t play games, I’m direct and to the point (I think I’ve mentioned that before). I think this is usually a good trait, and I use it judiciously. I don’t blurt inappropriately, and I do try to make a point of thinking before I speak. However, I have been known to be too direct. This apparently offends some delicate sensibilities. I’m working on that.

I’ve found some work environments  are places where you find yourself looking over your shoulder. Who’s watching? Is someone checking my work? Do they trust me? I generally take pride in my work, and want to be noticed for doing a good job. I think everyone likes a little pat on the back once in a while. But having to deal with Depression already gives you a sense of insecurity worrying about what others think of you. An unstable or chaotic work environment can just contribute to feelings of paranoia. Who wants to get up every morning and be sick with worry about their employment status?

Most often it has to do with the personalities and attitudes of the people in the workplace. Just a few people can make for a good or not so good work environment. Even one person in a position of power or who happens to be friends with the boss can affect the tenor of the office.

So, what to do? One can work to find a niche that suits them and steer clear of any conflict or troublemakers. One could also face the challenges head on and hope for the best. It can always be a gamble to play the office politics game. There really are never any winners and the power players can turn on you in a heartbeat. And always is the option to walk away. The grass is not always greener either, we all know that cliché. You can find yourself in the same situation with different players. It’s never an easy decision, just one more reason to feel less than secure.

Distracted, or Why Can’t I Finish ANYTHING?!?!?

I just realized it has been over a month and I’m still reading a book titled, Unclutter Your Life in One Week. This struck me as completely absurd. I don’t think it’s the clutter that is the problem either. I just feel like I’m going so many directions. I have a stack of books I want to read. Projects to work on, and the basic life routines that have to be maintained, such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. It seems like there is less and less time for all the leisure pursuits that I used to enjoy and I never seem to finish or accomplish anything. I’m full of ideas of things I’d like to do and plans I’d like to bring to fruition, but most will never even get started because I have too many things going already.

Yes, I admit there is a bit of clutter in my life. And I have cleaned a closet or two lately. But apparently I’m too distracted by many other books and projects to commit a week to decluttering. I care, but I just don’t seem to have enough time. Does anyone?

I find I often have to hurry through books because it’s time to return them to the library and I haven’t finished them. Maybe I waste too much time on media and the internet (someone once called it “screen sucking” and I always thought that so appropriate). But these are the ways we stay connected to one another now, so I enjoy my Facebook time. And I enjoy my blogging time as well, it has become a therapeutic outlet for me.

I do finish projects, I just feel it takes longer than it should, or I put things down and don’t return to them until weeks or even months later to finish. Perhaps I’m not the only one doing this these days? Each new thing seems so interesting, so compelling, it distracts me from the last, or I easily lose interest and don’t finish what I’m doing. Whatever it is, it is driving me to distraction.