Tag Archives: Optimism

Looking Up, At Least Today

The darkness seems to be lifting a bit, which is wonderful. As far as what is improving my mood;, could be a few things. My meds were adjusted a few weeks ago, and I think they are kicking in. Also, wrapping things up at work for the semester and looking forward to better weather. Got a decent tax refund too, so I haven’t been so stressed about finances as usual. So, I’m feeling grateful, even as I look around the house and realize how I have neglected things at home. My goodness, the dust rhinos have taken over! I guess it’s time for some serious spring cleaning.
Time to sweep clean, not just the house but also my old soul. Need to think positive thoughts and stop sleeping my life away. Now to stay motivated. Hope this improved mood today continues…

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Motivation…Do They Have a Pill for That?

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers

Can’t put my finger on what the problem is, but I’ve been highly unmotivated as of late. Which is aggravating in itself, because right now I have a lot of time on my hands and should be accomplishing many things. I don’t feel particularly depressed at the moment, and can’t say I’m having any major physical problems to distract me. So what the heck is wrong with me? I just bumble along, as the days pass by, and feel like kicking myself for not getting anything accomplished.

Don’t get me wrong, I do manage to get the important stuff done, like bathing, dressing, taking care of business, etc. I’m talking about projects around the house, crafts I want to do, blog posts I want to write, and so forth. I just can’t seem to get started. Once I start, I’m usually ok and can carry on. I just don’t seem to be able to get the fire lit.

Perhaps they need to work on a pill for that. I seem to be a testament to better living through chemistry, so why not one more? Caffeine sure doesn’t seem to be doing it for me, haha. Mom says I should make lists, then I will have the joy of crossing things out as I complete them. And I should probably stop wasting time on the internet with things like Stumble Upon and Pinterest. Although I have been inspired by what other people are doing with their talents. I look at all the amazing things going on out there and think to myself that I should be pursuing creative endeavors too! Somebody change my spark plug or something, I need a push…

Allowing Others to Influence Your Mood

I think it is impossible to not be influenced by others when it comes to your mood. Being around positive people is in itself uplifting, being around those who are down can bring you down. It’s important to be strong enough in yourself that you aren’t completely thrown off-balance by someone else’s influence. But again, it is easy to allow intimate relationships to influence how you feel. So if you are in a bad, or even mediocre relationship, it will impact your depression. I was in one of those for a time, and it definitely affected me in a negative manner. But where is the risk if you have the opportunity to have a good relationship, built on equality and mutual understanding? Just something to think about.

Blog Blocked

Having a major case of writer’s block lately. Perhaps because I have felt better? Certainly nothing wrong with feeling less depressed, now is there? Don’t know that I’d say happy quite yet, but don’t feel overwhelmingly sad. Even somewhat motivated I might say. Cleaning a little bit, planning for my son’s departure to college. That might be a downer though. I’m very excited for him finally achieving his dreams and looking forward to his new adventure. He’s earned this after all his hard work. It will be hard for me to see him go, but he’s not going too far. I just hope he’ll want to see me once in a while!

The new adventure/adjustment for me will be living alone. That is something I never really experienced. It will be just me and the animals. I won’t have anyone to answer to or be home for except the dogs. This will be interesting. I don’t know how I will handle this. I think I will be eating more cereal for dinner, no reason to cook!

Another Important Milestone

Hard to believe, but I am the parent of a high school graduate. My son’s last day of school was today, and commencement is next Wednesday. There were many rough times and moments I wondered how we would reach this day, but here we are! And I am so grateful for all that we have survived and learned about ourselves and each other along the way.

My son has also suffered from Depression. Without going into too much detail, a combination of family issues, living situation and school struggles ganged up on him and he was in a very bad way. Had to be hospitalized. Very frightening time for both of us but with therapy and medication he has made an excellent recovery, in fact, he has even been able to get off medication and do  well. He still has teenage moodiness (don’t they all?) but is pretty even-tempered for the most part. And he has accomplished so much recently that he can be proud of; he will be going off to art college in the fall having earned many scholarships for his talent and hard work.

I am blessed to celebrate this milestone with him. My first episode of Depression hit when he was just a toddler. And I have struggled off and on since then. But I have always, always, made it a priority to be a good parent to him. Many days I was dragging myself around and going through the motions just to get through the day when I was at my worst. But I think that was at a minimum. I was still able to meet others needs while depressed, just not my own.  Someday he will realize what a challenge it is to parent.

But for now we are just going to celebrate his success and his limitless future.

Feeling OK, or at Least Not Bad

Despite all the things conspiring against me, such as the endless rain, financial concerns and misbehaving dogs, I’m feeling not so bad as of late. I have absolutely no explanation for this, as I have made no changes in any of my habits, etc. Still not eating as well as I should, would benefit from more exercise and socialization, etc. I can only claim to have definitely been sleeping enough and have the affection of two mischievous dogs and one well-worn cat.

No complaints here, I’ll take it. I may not be Sally Sunshine, but I don’t mind being with myself, so I’m sure I’m better company than I have been. Will I ever get past this point I wonder? Is there any more than just feeling OK? I can remember happiness, rather vaguely. It’s been a long time. Will I know it when I see it again? I continue to be hopeful that I will.

Persistence

Persistence is the spiritual grace that allows you to continue to act with optimism even when you feel trapped in the pit of hell. ***Daphne Rose Kingma

It is so easy to start blaming oneself when life gets overwhelming. Such as, “I brought this on myself,” or “This is all my fault.” Somehow I feel that I should be able to handle whatever life throws my way. Seems like everyone else seems to keep it together and go with the flow, right? I’m a strong, independent woman, so why is it when all hell breaks loose, I sometimes feel hopeless and defeated?

This is Depression talking and taking me down again. I am still and always have been an intelligent and capable person, able to work through difficulties and handle crises. It is a matter of getting my mind right…being in the right frame of mind to borrow a cliché. I just have to remind myself of my many accomplishments. I’m no slacker, I’m well-educated and articulate, I’ve done numerous things in my career, I’ve had many creative pursuits, I’ve raised a child, etc., etc. Even starting my blog was a huge step that I could have never imagined I would do.

I’m a survivor too. I’ve been through tremendous emotional hardships in my personal life and am still standing. It wasn’t easy either. I was subjected to some mean-spirited and malicious attacks on my character. That was extremely difficult. It’s hard not to take in that kind of ugliness, particularly when you already suffer from Depression. I just could not allow myself to believe that the circumstances were bigger than me, and I continued to have hope for a better future.

Persistence seems key. I keep pressing on, keep holding onto hope that things will be better, that each difficulty is an opportunity to learn something new and that wisdom is power and strength to carry on. Sounds rather pollyanna-ish but it’s truly how I cope with the obstacles and challenges that come my way. Prayer helps too.