We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy. — Walter Anderson
I know I’ve talked about trust before, but I was provoked to think about it some more. Seems I don’t have very good radar when it comes to who I can trust. Matter of fact, my trust has been misplaced more than once I must say. So, how does one work on developing that sense that helps you determine if someone is trustworthy? I used to think that I could just avoid putting my trust in anyone. I had been burned in the past and thought that I would just avoid relationships altogether. That didn’t solve much as far as trust is concerned. I avoided one kind of relationship, but still wound up in a relationship that was not in my best interest.
Then I thought perhaps I should just be an open book and think the best of everyone. Not a good approach either. I found inevitably that I would be disappointed. This probably applies to relationships and other aspects of life (like work). So why don’t I get the red flags or some kind of warning sign that I am being too vulnerable? I’m sure it has something to do with self-esteem as well. I need to think more of myself and that I deserve better than how I have been treated. I need to find the middle of the road when it comes to trusting others. How do I question other’s motivation without offending? My nature is to help others (I am a nurse after all) but I need to be cautious in my dealings. People aren’t always what they seem to be…
Been a while since I’ve posted and I have no excuse. Not much excitement in my life, kinda blah. Not in an emotionally negative kind of way, just not much happening in my life to be writing about. So I was thinking about love today. Not just romantic love, but the sweetness that is good friendship. Something that I think that is even harder to find.
I was reminded of how nice it is to have this sweetness today. A coworker said she wanted to skip today, due to “lack of interest.” Each of us is a beautiful individual deserving of love. And perhaps that love will come in the form of good friendships with others. My good friend passed out boxes of chocolates to our lovely little group of coworkers and that sweetness shown through. Couldn’t ask for anything more today.
Perhaps we expect too much of certain days, or feel we will only be complete with a romantic relationship. I choose to set aside those expectations for at least today, and enjoy the sweetness of good friendship.
This week I am spending the majority of the work week at another of our business offices for clinical software training. Four whole days away from my home base, and it’s not a vacation. I’ve never considered a travelling job because I’m really a homebody. I like to nest or cocoon, curl up with my books or crocheting and be by myself. Not that I mind company or being with others, I just like to be at home, it’s my comfort zone. I’ve never been one who likes to party and carouse, I’m more of an introvert. I spend lots of time with people in my professional work, so I am somewhat protective of my time as well.
My therapist keeps trying to encourage me to get out of my comfort zone and be social. I do go out with friends and do things, but I think everyone has busy lives too. Maybe I’m missing out on something, but I’m ok with that. So for now, my temporary cocoon is a hotel room and I’m making do until I can get back home.
Amazing that I am surrounded by people and feel so alone sometimes. Just not feeling connected, particularly after ending a long-term relationship about six months ago. I know the relationship wasn’t good for me, and I was lonely in the relationship, but I still miss that human touch. Probably more than anything else.
So, what is one to do? I am supposed to be more social, spend time with friends, etc. I just feel like someone should call me once in a while and see how I’m doing for a change. Only fair in a friendship, right? It is really hard to push myself to call friends.
Immediate and unconditional love is what I get from my dogs no matter what I do or how I feel. Somehow they know when I’m down and give me extra loving. They don’t demand too much most of the time, and seem to understand when I’m being a slacker. I don’t have to call and remind them about our friendship needing nurturing, they are always there, dependable. Of course I am always there for them too. I have to feed/water/walk, etc. And clean up accidents (ick).
They are ok with my bad habits, my being less than svelte and my cranky moments. And I put up with chewed up items and demands to go outside. So it all evens out. They do hog more than their share of the bed though. Need to work on that.
I do believe they are the most low maintenance relationships I have. They snuggle at just the right times, don’t argue for the most part and aren’t too demanding. Perhaps we do need to pay more attention to our dogs’ behavior. They may have something on us.
Posted in Coping, Depression, Happiness
Tagged depression, Friendship, Happiness, Love, Mood, Relationships, Self-help, Stress, Unconditional love