Tag Archives: Criticism

You Haven’t Been Sleeping All Day, Have You???

Of course I haven’t been sleeping ALL day. I took a nap in the morning and you caught me napping again in the afternoon. What was the point in dozing off in front of the computer/book/tv? I just am having a bit of a rough day and sleep has my name written all over it.

When the Depression is rearing its ugly head, symptoms are always exaggerated. Some days it’s just easier to succumb to the overwhelming urge to sleep. I also have anemia and some other medical issues that may contribute to fatigue. Sleep is also a wonderful escape from reality, of which I am well aware. Nothing wrong with a little escapism once in a while. At least it’s not self-destructive.

Apparently this behavior is of concern to others. As long as I’m keeping up with day-to-day stuff, I don’t think I’ll worry about it. I know I’m supposed to push myself to exercise (hey, it was cold today, and the stupid dog broke her leash…told you I was having a rough day!) i.e. see previous post, but it just wasn’t happening today. That middle of the night migraine sucked too.

Well, I’m just a ray of sunshine today! Let’s hope and plan for a better day tomorrow.

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Still Struggling

I’m still struggling with being open with others, finding a balance between being friendly and aloof. I feel like I am just matter of fact, tell it like it is kind of person. But apparently that is off-putting to some. I am “unapproachable.” My therapist says I can work on this. Somehow I must have missed the lesson on how to make nice at work. One of my issues is fear of getting hurt. I’ve experienced so much emotional pain due to relationships that I just don’t want to get that involved with people. But my therapist says I can be cordial and warm without getting too deep. I’m going to try to work on that. I sure do better with writing than talking.

Sometimes I wish I could have a personality transplant, because I feel Depression has shaped my personality in a negative manner. It certainly has changed my worldview and it has affected how I see myself as well. Nothing seems clear, and I can’t even trust my judgement or perception. So can I really rely on others opinions either? Should I trust others as being sincere, or am I being set up for a fall? Hard to tell, and no one to ask. Feel like I am right back at the beginning, and I thought I was making progress…

Making Mistakes

If you have made serious mistakes, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but staying down.—Mary Pickford

I know as a depressed person and a perfectionist, I take my mistakes way to seriously. Actually I do everything I can to avoid making mistakes, perhaps by not taking risks that could be beneficial. I HATE TO BE WRONG. I feel like it is a personal flaw to be found in error on something, that is how hard I take things. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I’ve tried to adapt and be more accepting of constructive criticism over the years, but it hasn’t been easy for me. I worry that if I’m down, I won’t be able to get back up again. I often wonder if anyone else has the same feelings?

I’ve worked at trying to adapt the  mindset that mistakes are a learning opportunity, but I am much kinder to others in that regard than I am with myself. I might be holding myself to an impossible standard that no one could realistically attain. I need to work on being kinder to myself. I am likely the only one keeping me down with my skewed views of myself. Just one more thing to work on this year.