I Walk Alone

I think one of the biggest challenges I have faced is that of being an empty nester.  I never imagined it being so difficult. And I don’t know anyone who is dealing with this right now either, so I don’t have an example of a good transition. I have found being alone at home demotivating (is that even a word?). Now that I am not taking care of my son, there is this void that I have yet to fill. My therapist insists that I need to be more social. I know I need to quit vegetating at home by myself, but can’t seem to get motivated. I am signed up for some Meetup groups, but haven’t gone to any lately. I always make excuses for myself, like the dogs need me, I’m too tired, it’s too far to drive, etc. I know I have a strong drive to take care of others (duh, I’m a nurse), but I don’t seem to put as much energy into just taking care of myself. I suppose it’s part of my self-esteem issue, that perhaps I think I don’t deserve it. But I have convinced myself that I need more rest and recuperation after dealing with people at work all day. So here I am, Friday night, writing about my myself instead of out doing something. If nothing else, I have to get out of bed tomorrow and take care of business here at home. Wish me well.

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2 responses to “I Walk Alone

  1. Yes, I too am now an empty nester. My last son was with us for almost 3 months while he completed 2 classes on physics at CSU to finish his degree at UT. That means there was always someone to look forward coming home to, someone to jog with, someone to play golf with. Now that he has gone out to Arizona to live with his mother, the 30 year effort I have made to nurture my sons and give them a launch into the world is over. I am sad about this. I am pretty good about taking the dogs for runs, lifting weights, writing letters to the editor, helping with community events through Rotary–all Republicans except a couple which moves me to feel more alone in this almost lilly white community–but there is much time alone. My new hospice job is very fulfilling but we have not been surveyed yet so it doesn’t take up as much of my time as I would like to invest. Applied for a mini fellowship through Stanford on older adult care and implications created by working with different ethnic groups. Had a funeral for a younger woman yesterday and I cried a lot for her, her 23 year old daughter and her two little, young grandsons. I am truly a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. God help me.

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