Uncomfortably Numb

Deep experience is never peaceful. —- Henry James

I’m doing most of what I’m supposed to be doing…getting enough sleep (probably too much), taking my meds, seeing the therapist, eating so-so, being somewhat social. I just feel blah. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to do anything outside of going to work. I’m not particularly fatigued, I’m just very unmotivated and I don’t care.

My depression seemed to worsen when my son left for college. He hasn’t gone that far, just downtown to the urban art school campus, about 30 miles away. I still get to see him once in a while and we talk/text regularly. But living alone has been a huge change for me. I don’t seem to be adjusting very well at all. I’ve been lettting the cleaning go, avoiding the kitchen as much as possible, and spending a lot of time vegging. This is so not like me. I’m typically a very tidy person, like to cook, and like to be productive. I feel so out of sorts.

I had great plans for cleaning up the house when my son left. Having him and his friends tramping in and out tending to make for more cleaning up, and I thought of it as this great opportunity to really get things clean. I haven’t even been up to his room except to go to the attic and retrieve a few things. It just seems too overwhelming.

I guess this is what they call empty nest syndrome. I never imagined it could be such a setback in my mood. I’m sure I could be getting more exercise and all of that good stuff, but now I don’t see anything shifting me out of the numb spot. And it’s not very comfortable here either.

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One response to “Uncomfortably Numb

  1. start small. Just a little list with small things on it. have shower. clean teeth. wash dishes. sweep floor – ten things maximum – none of them large. Cross them off as you do them. As you start to complete your lists let the tasks be bigger and further afield – but always just stick to a limited number.
    Also try for a little bit of structure. Bed time, getting up time, lunch time, dinner time and build in your activities between.
    Sometimes starting out again is a bit like clutch starting a car – you have to push it until you get enough momentum for the motor to turn over when you go to start it up …
    Alternatively – ignore all the ‘should do’ things. Pick up something – a hobby or interest that you could get interested in and start with that to build on … let something interesting motivate you to move again.
    It’s never easy getting moving again when you’re in the numb zone. (Maybe now is even the time to ask a friend to help you out).

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