Monthly Archives: September 2011

Anhedonia

Anhedonia is the failure or inability to experience pleasure. It is a significant symptom in clinical depression. I’ve experienced it before, and it’s not pleasant. Not being able to experience good feelings or any feelings makes you feel emotionally empty. Right now I’m feeling pretty ambivalent about some things that I used to care about a lot. I can’t call it anhedonia, it’s not that strong of an non-feeling. I used to really enjoy gardening and my flowerbeds were very attractive and my vegetables thrived. Right now the only thing that thrives in my yard is weeds. Everything is overgrown and bordering on ugly. And I just haven’t really cared a whole lot about it. It could be just the fatigue/lack of energy that keeps me from doing the things I used to. But I’ve been avoiding dealing with it because it’s gotten so out of control. Today was the first time I had to do the mowing myself (my son has gone off to college). That was a challenge in itself. The mower was not cooperating and kept stalling out. Let’s just say the lawn is less than half done. But I did get the new dog run hung, and that has waited to be done for at least a year. I’m certainly not in a hurry, that’s for sure.

Sometimes I worry the meds are making me unemotional or flat. Maybe that is why I don’t care about things that used to be important to me.

So I guess my feelings about gardening and yard work are no longer what they were. If this continues, I may need to go condo.

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Ch-ch-ch-changes

This past week has been ch-ch-challenging. I just took my son to college and that was a bit stressful. I’m doing my best to cope with that colossal change in my life. Then I go to work on Monday to find out from the CEO himself that they let my boss go. Wow. That was a shock. I liked working with him (see previous post, New Environments). He was always positive and motivating with me, but apparently not with everyone else, which was the rationale we were given for his departure.

Of course this would be the week that I also run out of meds and I’m waiting for the new insurance card to arrive so I can get the prescriptions refilled. Not a good week to be off my meds! So my mood took a nose dive and I was dragging through the week. It was everything I could do to make it through the day, and I couldn’t wait to get home and crawl into bed. Too much loss for one week. I admit I shed a few tears as well, I was feeling lonely coming home to an empty house with my son gone.

I am so glad my son is attending a nearby college, he decided to come home for the night on Friday and we spent breakfast together on Saturday. That cheered me tremendously. Knowing I can see him regularly has eased the transition. Now I just need to figure out how to handle the new situation at work.