Monthly Archives: May 2011

Another Important Milestone

Hard to believe, but I am the parent of a high school graduate. My son’s last day of school was today, and commencement is next Wednesday. There were many rough times and moments I wondered how we would reach this day, but here we are! And I am so grateful for all that we have survived and learned about ourselves and each other along the way.

My son has also suffered from Depression. Without going into too much detail, a combination of family issues, living situation and school struggles ganged up on him and he was in a very bad way. Had to be hospitalized. Very frightening time for both of us but with therapy and medication he has made an excellent recovery, in fact, he has even been able to get off medication and do  well. He still has teenage moodiness (don’t they all?) but is pretty even-tempered for the most part. And he has accomplished so much recently that he can be proud of; he will be going off to art college in the fall having earned many scholarships for his talent and hard work.

I am blessed to celebrate this milestone with him. My first episode of Depression hit when he was just a toddler. And I have struggled off and on since then. But I have always, always, made it a priority to be a good parent to him. Many days I was dragging myself around and going through the motions just to get through the day when I was at my worst. But I think that was at a minimum. I was still able to meet others needs while depressed, just not my own.  Someday he will realize what a challenge it is to parent.

But for now we are just going to celebrate his success and his limitless future.

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Another Birthday

Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength.
Celebrated another birthday this week, I think that makes me officially middle-aged, being forty-five. It hasn’t been traumatic or anything, just thinking that more than half of this life is likely over, and that it tends to be a melancholy thought for most. Age has never been something I really dwell on too much. I spend a lot of my time at work with older people, really old, like nineties old.  So that tends to keep things in perspective for me.
I guess I’ve been what most people call an old soul. I’ve always been wise beyond my years, drawn to being with adults, especially older adults rather than children or people my age. I just seem more attune to them. I think Depression has aged me too. I feel like I have lived longer, harder than most. Maybe had more experience emotionally and psychologically so that has matured me. My body seems to register on their cohort as well. I have aches and pains that I believe are a bit premature for someone my age. I’m sure my sporadic exercise and irregular dietary habits don’t help the situation. But I just don’t think I should feel like THIS.
However, I am grateful to be here in this shape and form for now. I don’t know that I want to live to my nineties if it includes sickness and infirmity. I have observed much suffering in the elderly during my work as a nurse and would not wish it upon anyone. What I have now is more than enough to cope with, I can’t imagine life with diminished capacities as well.
I want to make the best of the time that I do have. It’s an opportunity now that I have learned so much during the first part of my life. So I best check with those elders for some wisdom on coping. I bet they have a lot to say about all those birthdays.

Feeling OK, or at Least Not Bad

Despite all the things conspiring against me, such as the endless rain, financial concerns and misbehaving dogs, I’m feeling not so bad as of late. I have absolutely no explanation for this, as I have made no changes in any of my habits, etc. Still not eating as well as I should, would benefit from more exercise and socialization, etc. I can only claim to have definitely been sleeping enough and have the affection of two mischievous dogs and one well-worn cat.

No complaints here, I’ll take it. I may not be Sally Sunshine, but I don’t mind being with myself, so I’m sure I’m better company than I have been. Will I ever get past this point I wonder? Is there any more than just feeling OK? I can remember happiness, rather vaguely. It’s been a long time. Will I know it when I see it again? I continue to be hopeful that I will.

Overwhelmed by the News

Twenty-Four hour news is such a bad idea. We get inundated constantly with information and the news is generally negative in nature. When is there ever any good news? They don’t have time to report that. I always said I would subscribe to a station that showed only good news. It would be so refreshing to hear about people who do good things for each other, not just as an aside or filler to all the bad news that gets reported. That would be fair and balanced don’t ya think?

Problem is it is so easy to get caught up in the world’s tragedies and the quagmire of our government that it adds to one’s depression. Makes me want to stay in bed! Where is the hope? I’m not saying we need  news “lite” or should minimize what is going on in the world. Perhaps it is just too much for some of us to handle in large doses. I know I can’t take too much, because I tend to internalize it and hold it. I can’t walk around with the weight of the world on me, I can’t carry it, I can’t change the world. I can only influence my little circle. Since the news rarely addresses my issues, perhaps I should just shut it off altogether. I feel like that would be the putting my head in the sand approach.

It is of course all about finding balance. As usual. If someone who has depression has been able to find a balance without being overwhelmed by the news, I’d love to hear about it.