It’s not easy being green… —Kermit the Frog
One of my favorite songs as a kid, but I really had no idea why. Now I understand all too well. It’s hard enough to just be yourself, then every year we talk about resolutions to change! I’m still busy figuring myself out, why do I have to hurry up and decide on something to change??? I’m all for self-improvement, which I guess is the point. However, self-improvement takes time. I need to think long and hard about something before making a decision (I am a bit of a commitment-phobe). My high school English teacher called it having it on the back burner. Not completely out of mind, but just simmering, getting it ready for processing.
I really don’t think I have major identity issues at forty-four, even though I saved my “acting out” for my thirties (maybe that explains my parents accelerated aging?). I do struggle with certain things like being assertive in some situations, self-esteem/confidence at particular moments. At times I feel as if I am still an awkward teenager and everyone is laughing at me. It doesn’t happen all that often anymore, but just enough to remind me about how I feel different.
Perhaps it’s just being overly sensitive (I did promise I would get to that highly sensitive person subject soon) or introverted as a natural part of my personality. Believe me, I’ve been subject to the MMPI enough times to know that I always score high on introversion. But I’ve adapted based on my profession to like working with people and finding a comfort level in being with them. Maybe that is what attracted me to hospice care, because as the expert, people accept you even if you are a bit awkward and quiet because they want your help and guidance through a difficult time. And I do find a lot of satisfaction in helping others.
It may not be easy being green, but I don’t know that I want to trade it for any other color either.
Happy New Year 2011!