It’s Not Easy Being Green

It’s not easy being green… —Kermit the Frog

One of my favorite songs as a kid, but I really had no idea why. Now I understand all too well. It’s hard enough to just be yourself, then every year we talk about resolutions to change! I’m still busy figuring myself out, why do I have to hurry up and decide on something to change??? I’m all for self-improvement, which I guess is the point. However, self-improvement takes time. I need to think long and hard about something before making a decision (I am a bit of a commitment-phobe). My high school English teacher called it having it on the back burner. Not completely out of mind, but just simmering, getting it ready for processing.

I really don’t think I have major identity issues at forty-four, even though I saved my “acting out” for my thirties (maybe that explains my parents accelerated aging?). I do struggle with certain things like being assertive in some situations, self-esteem/confidence at particular moments. At times I feel as if I am still an awkward teenager and everyone is laughing at me. It doesn’t happen all that often anymore, but just enough to remind me about how I feel different.

Perhaps it’s just being overly sensitive (I did promise I would get to that highly sensitive person subject soon) or introverted as a natural part of my personality. Believe me, I’ve been subject to the MMPI enough times to know that I always score high on introversion. But I’ve adapted based on my profession to like working with people and finding a comfort level in being with them. Maybe that is what attracted me to hospice care, because as the expert, people accept you even if you are a bit awkward and quiet because they want your help and guidance through a difficult time. And I do find a lot of satisfaction in helping others.

It may not be easy being green, but I don’t know that I want to trade it for any other color either.

Happy New Year 2011!

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3 responses to “It’s Not Easy Being Green

  1. I continue to be amazed at your insight, Jennifer. I feel 2011 is going to be a very good year for you. It has to be helpful to get all of this stuff out of your mind an onto paper. Perhaps I should start journaling…

    • Your support keeps me going! I never have been able to keep a journal, but have found blogging very rewarding and therapeutic. Thanks for journeying with me!

  2. So, you think your parents have accelerated aging? I think you Dad and I look pretty good for our ages. Yes, we went through some very rough times with you, but I’ve always had faith in God that he would take care of you no matter what! I love you so so much!

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