Am I the only one having a hard time keeping up? I feel like the guy in the circus or on stage who has all the plates spinning on sticks, only mine don’t spin all that well, they tend to bobble and frequently one crashes to the floor. Then while I am trying to gather up the pieces, all the other plates are hurtling out of control…like why even bother??? What an apt metaphor for life sometimes. Maybe it sounds like poor pitiful me, but really it’s just a description of how I feel sometimes. I can’t remember the last time when things were calm, smooth, and I didn’t worry about the next plate about to fall. Maybe back in college, but I doubt it, because my parents were divorcing for the second time (yeah, from each other, don’t ask!). At least I didn’t witness that chaos. Distance, at times, is a good thing.
So, it seems when I get my personal life together, the work life goes down, or vice versa. I just have never achieved great balance across all aspects/dimensions of my life. Do other people feel this way? Does it get any better? I do believe that if I could achieve some balance I would be less stressed and depressed. And I don’t believe things happen “for a reason” or it’s God’s doing. God doesn’t just randomly dole stuff out, stuff just happens. There is no rhyme or reason to it. It’s not punishment. It’s just random. I have faith in a loving and merciful God.
In the meantime, I still have to keep picking up the broken dishes and move forward…and find some meaning in this mess.