Oh Hell, I’m Here World!

I have officially established my blog. Harder than it looks, I guess. Title comes courtesy of a few sources; Electric Light Orchestra, creator of sad love songs, Thomas Moore, writer of dark themes, and my latest therapist, who recently called me the “Poster Child for Depression.” I obviously earned that, as I can spend an entire session in her office, quickly welling up tears and honking into tissues. First session she was definitely under-supplied. She hasn’t made that mistake since, and always assures me I may keep the box right beside me. I think that is really funny for some reason, or maybe she wants to be sure I don’t get my snotty hands on her leather couch. She is very kind to me, don’t get me wrong. And that is the essence of the problem, I fear. I am SO NEGATIVE. As Janine Garofalo once said, I see the glass as not only half full, but practically empty. And cracked. And I cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth. Being depressed just gives me a different perspective on life. I guess I didn’t see it as all that horrible, I thought I was fairly functional until just recently…it is so insidious how it just creeps up on you. I was just using the label of “my second language is sarcasm” to get by. I know a lot of people like that. Are they all depressed??? Scary thought.

Like I said, I felt pretty functional, going to work, doing household chores, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. Looking back, yeah, I have been sleeping more, eating more, feeling sluggish, more headaches. I just thought it was this crazy job and the stress it was causing me. So I got a new job. How could I be depressed but be able to obtain a new job? And then two months later, my negative “attitude” helped me out the door. I don’t think that was the only issue, but, of course my issues have issues. I had already gotten back into therapy, I knew that I was more depressed than usual.

Probably started with the chest pain.

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2 responses to “Oh Hell, I’m Here World!

  1. Let it all out sista!!! Your writing is AWESOME!

  2. Nice job describing the debilitating nature of this insidious disease. No doctor will touch me with a ten foot pole!!! When I tell them my history, they just kind of look at me and say, “Well, given your history, I wouldn’t want to give you any medication.” So very helpful! I’ve always thought mine is very tied to my hormones, but I’ve yet to find a doctor brave enough to explore this.

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